NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
