So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
