Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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