can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
