I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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