nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
