You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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