Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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