he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
