We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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