Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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