It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
