Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
