I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
