Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
