I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
