My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
