no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
