Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
