don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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