At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
