i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
