His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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