I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
