I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
