Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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