Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
