At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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