I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
