Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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