You made me cry and you don't even care
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
