I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
