and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
