As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
