Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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