When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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