ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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