If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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