Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
