you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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