I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
