Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
