It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
