You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
