my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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