why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
