the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
