I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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