i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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