just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
