don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
