Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
