Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
