Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
