sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
