i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
