you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
