I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
