I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
