Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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