either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
