The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
