Well apparently he's into motor boating.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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