sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
